I am having a complete and utter meltdown that came outta left field. I hate this, I never use to be this way… what the hell is wrong with me!
Okay well I suppose it sort of is.
I’ve begun to tell when I start slipping downward into a funk. I keep trying to find ways to climb out of it but it keeps over taking me. It’s this vicious monster that’s always waiting to jump me and toss me down that hole. Sometimes I think it leaves me alone for a while so that I think it’s gone that way it’s all the more sweeter for it when it catches me off guard.
I’m not sure what I can do to keep it away. I’m going to look into a new just for me fun activity at the end of the month in hopes that something different from my everyday might help.
As for right now, well….blah
I’m going to start by saying that I am an overly emotional person. Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I will cry during a moving commercial (like that Superbowl Budweiser Clydesdale commercial this year) and I even cry if I catch just the last part of that Futurama episode where the dog is waiting outside the pizza place for Fry in all the different weather. I don’t even have to watch the whole episode, just that one part and I will cry.
However I digress.
War Horse is a must see. Not because it is so packed full of emotion, although it is. I felt like I was sailing an ocean. Being tossed from one wave of emotions to the next. I’m happy, I’m laughing, I’m enthralled, I’m devastated. It’s a lot of feelings for someone like me who gets wrapped up easily.
And it’s so easy to get wrapped up in this amazing story because of the amazing set. Sure the set was minimal but what they did have and what they used and the way the put it together with the seamless movement of the choreography made it easy to see why this show one multiple Tony awards.
And don’t even get me started on Joey. That is single handily the most amazing thing I have ever seen created for the stage. I forgot it wasn’t a real horse. The movements were so fluid, the sounds too perfect. I was enthralled with him.
I want to tell you about my favorite part and why it struck a cord with me. When Albert is first getting to know little baby Joey (who I just want to snuggle). He gets down on all fours and shows him how to eat from the bucket. This small part brought tears to my eyes because I so greatly identify with it. I have more then once put a dog treat to my mouth and crawled down low to try and communicate with a frightened dog at the shelter that I wasn’t going to hurt it and that hot dogs are good. It was just really touching to see that brought to stage and while I’m not sure it had the affect on anyone else that it did on me it was easily the most treasured portion of the show for me.
This show is a direct hit to all your feels and I encourage you not to miss it. If you don’t have tickets you can get them here
I’m so grateful to have been given the opprotunity to see this show. It was amazing and I want to thank West Coast Entertainment Best of Broadway for providing Spokane with another amazing show! Bravo!
I won’t lie 2012 was easily the worst year I’ve experienced. However I am blessed to be surrounded by loving friends and supportive family who lifted me up in my darkest times. Will 2013 be a better year? Who knows, I’ve learned that there are things that I simply can not control but there are many things that I can. So with that here is my list if resolutions for 2013.
1. I will not stress over the things I have no control over. If I can not fix it then I will walk away and focus my energies on something that is a productive use of my time.
2. I will spend more times with the ones I love. If I don’t have time I will make it.
3. People who are hurtful and negative will no longer have a place in my life and I will walk away from them. No matter how hard it may be.
4. I will get healthy. This includes eating better, being more active, remembering to take my vitamins and in time coming off antidepressants. While they have helped me immensely last year it is not something I wish to be on forever and I strongly believe that I can get myself to a healthy place to come off them.
5. I’m gonna be less of a home body. I’m going to go out more and spend time with friends.
It’s only five things but I feel like these are huge things for me. Please friends keep me in check (especially with the food!)
Perhaps this is something I need to work on, but I take things personally.
Especially when they are related to my work. Because my work is not just a job - it’s a lifestyle choice. I am very serious about it and I take it personally.
I take it personally when people tell me they could never do what I do because it’s too sad. What, you think I’m heartless or something?
I take it personally when someone has a bad experience and feel like it’s my duty to help right the wrongs as much as I possibly can. Can I fix everything? No, I can’t even though I wish I could because I’m controlling like that. I can’t fix it when people don’t listen or choose to ignore my advice but damn it I wish I could.
I really got to work on taking things less personally but for right now I’ll settle for a tiny venting session.
My Sister Paid Progressive Insurance to Defend Her Killer In Court
I’ve been sending out some impertinent tweets about Progressive Insurance lately, but I haven’t explained how they pissed me off. So I will do that here as succinctly as possible. There’s a general understanding that says, “insurance companies— oh they’re awful,” but since Progressive turned their shit hose on my late sister and my parents, I’ve learned some things that really surprised me.
I’ll try to cleave to the facts. On June 19, 2010, my sister was driving in Baltimore when her car was struck by another car and she was killed. The other driver had run a red light and hit my sister as she crossed the intersection on the green light.
Wow - this makes me just want to vomit. How absolutely horrifying.
I haven’t been in a very good place the last couple of days. I’ve really been struggling with the loss of my brother and the stress of my life right now. When I stuggle with such things my response is to lay motionless on the couch and cry or worse just go to sleep. It’s not a very healthy way of coping with my issues and I am working on it but it’s very hard.
So needless to say when I walked into work yesterday and past a friend I’m sure my utter unhappiness was written all over my face. I just wanted to get in my office and hide in there working all day. It’s very hard to be what I’m sure people consider ‘the normal me’. I like to call what some would consider normal me ‘Captain Perky Pants’. Anyway Captain Perky Pants and Emotional Unstable Jenna don’t get along very well. And when the later takes over I have to let her because I have learned that if I’m don’t allow these feelings to happen they will come back and get me with a force that I can’t even describe.
Back to my story - I’m in my office, feeling miserable but working away because there is lots to do and I get a little knock. People are very polite about knocking when I have more door closed (since I don’t close it very often). I give whoever the ‘come on in’ and it’s the friend I passed early in the hall. She says “You need a smile” and hands me a small wagweed flower. “It’s a weed but it’s still pretty” she adds.
I’m astonished. I thank her, we make small chit chat and she goes on her way back to work. Perhaps I should add this is a person who works at another facility and not someone I see everyday.
This tiny flower, weed, whatever it was changed my day. I cried a little after she left my office actually.
It’s a tiny weed, why should it be such a big deal? I’ll tell you why, because it showed me someone cared.
Now if you’ve never lost someone close to you I don’t image that your going to understand this. And this may not be true of everyone but it is certainly true of me and my battle with the grief monster. I feel extremely alone.
It’s honestly a ridiculous feeling because I know I’m not. I have a whole family (also grieving) but their here for me. I have numerous amounts of friends who offer support with words but in those moments where I shut down completely I feel so totally and utterly alone. Further more I feel no one can see this or worse that no one cares.
That tiny geasture while I was in my low made me feel like someone did notice and that someone does care and it was enough to lift me out of my dark funk and help me though my day (I still stayed in my office mostly I had a lot to do but I was able to let perky pants out just a little without fearing the consequences)
So I suppose the moral to my little story is that you never know how one tiny gesture may turn someones day around. So if you can, do one. You may not get anything out of it (perhaps you’ll smile for doing something nice) but believe me when I tell you it just might make a world of difference to that person.